Bring Back Family Meals

This is a post that is very near and dear to my heart and bares a message that I consider to be a crucial element to having a happy family. Please read and consider carefully.

Picture this…..Mom in her apron standing at the stove making dinner, Dad carving the meat at the head of the table, son clearing the dishes, daughter helping mom wash and dry them. The house filled with the aroma of home cooked food, clattering dishes, laughter and conversation. This seems like such an old fashioned way of life, I know. Call me crazy but it’s an image that is familiar to me. Reminiscent of my childhood. One that I fondly remember, cherish and make every effort to maintain for my own kids today. WHY??? Because it was the glue and it made me who I am today!

It’s an image that sadly has been lost in today’s society. Replaced by hustle and bustle of daily life and its commitments. In my humbled opinion it should still be a top priority for the modern family to eat together. Spending some quality time preparing and enjoying meals together, for so many reasons. In witnessing this dynamic our children learn about the structure of conversation and proper vocabulary. They are given the opportunity to observe as well as participate in exchanged dialogue, debate, disagreements etc... It instills a great sense of heritage, belonging, family values and culture. Stories are shared, jokes are told, debates are had. Legends are passed down. It helps develop a deep sense of security and establish routine. It’s a chance for parents and children to listen and demonstrate mutual respect. The simple pleasure of eating together is a time for laughter, fun and sharing love.

As you may gather from some of my previous posts, I’m not a believer in preparing different meals for each of my kids according to their preferences. To me this is also part and parcel to the lessons learned of sharing and of compromise at the dinner table. It’s an example that their world does not revolve around them. They won’t always get what they want. Kids must learn how to eat what's there, work with what they’ve got, how to remain seated until everyone else is done, how to pass the salt, hold their fork properly and other aspects of proper table etiquette. Believe it or not, a lot of today’s children don’t have those skills. We shouldn’t need to bring a portable DVD player to a restaurant in order to keep them calm and distracted until the food arrives.

Sharing food also develops gratitude. Setting time aside to really enjoy the meal, love, time and effort that goes into it gives your child an appreciation for it. Having him help set the table or clear the dishes can encourage the idea of giving and receiving. Children can be involved in the process of making the meal too. At a very young age even the simplest task is fun for them. Let them put the napkins on the table, take out the spoons etc... It will keep them occupied and allow them to feel more involved. I read this week that more schools are offering basic cooking instruction. It turns out that when kids help prepare a meal, they are much more likely to eat it, and it's a useful skill that seems to build self-esteem.

Somewhere along the way it became a badge of honor to say, 'I have no time. I am so busy,'" With both parents working and the kids shuttling between sports practices or attached to their screens at home, finding a time for everyone to sit around the table, eating the same food and listen to one another has become something of the past. Something we save for special occasions, holidays, gatherings. Hence our growing dependency on fast food, catered food and microwave meals.

Studies show that family dinners like anything else get better and easier with practice. The less often a family eats together, the worse the experience is likely to be, the less healthy the food and the more meager the talk. 45% of families who eat together during the week say the TV is on during meals and nearly one-third say there isn't much conversation. Such kids are also more than twice as likely as those who have frequent family meals to say there is a great deal of tension among family members, and they are much less likely to think their parents are proud of them. I have noticed the same trend in the car by the way. Some of the most profound and interesting talks I’ve had with my kids occurred after I turned off the stereo and ask a couple of questions.

Studies also show that the more often families eat together, the less likely kids are to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, develop eating disorders and consider suicide, and the more likely they are to do well in school, delay having sex, eat their vegetables and have a greater vocabulary.

Have I given you enough valid reasons to slow down and eat together? You don’t need to make fancy meals. Buy a roasted chicken, a box of mixed baby greens salad and make some couscous (It takes 3 minutes). Take out a casserole you made over the weekend and pop it in the oven. Make grilled cheese and soup if you must. But no matter what, take the time to sit down and enjoy it with your family. Make mealtime pleasant, not a time for discipline or arguing about problems at school or work. You will bond and form special family memories.

Planning ahead will really help. Cook on weekends and double or triple a favorite recipe, enjoying one meal now and freezing the others to enjoy later when you don’t have time or inclination to cook. Soups and casseroles are especially good to freeze.

For families whose schedules make evenings together a challenge, breakfast or lunch may have the same value. So please, I urge you to sit down, turn off the TV,Turn off your cell phone and watch your family bloom!